Butterfly
by seaweedfma
Summary: Roy had to watch Ed walk out of his life, and he lamented that he never told the short blond how he really felt about him. One sided Roy Mustang x Edward Elric. Rated T. Slight spoilers for the end of the first series/the movie.


This is a gift fic for **raychcons** Enjoy!

Title: Butterfly  
Pairing: Roy x Ed  
Rating: PG-13  
Prompt: Butterflies  
Warnings/Notes: End of the series spoilers, some movie spoilers, etc.

Larva to Pupa.

Chrysalis to Butterfly.

I watched him grow up- from a boy to a young man- in front of my eyes. The first time I saw him, he had already aged more than his years- with the loss of his mother, the body of his brother, and part of himself as well. Their innocence was gone, lost in a flash of alchemical red.

But despite that, he was still immature in many ways. He was crude, crass, and downright hostile at times. And most of that was directed at me. I readily admit that I did encourage him at times. It was so easy to get him riled up. I could see the heat rising in those pale cheeks. His body quivered, on the verge of exploding into a tempest like rage- a hurricane that no one could control.

Even all these years later, I don't think he ever figured out why I would do that to him. I loved to see him angry, or happy, or _something_. It let me know that he was alive. I could never tell him that I teased him because I loved him. I was content for him to not know. It hurt- oh damn, it hurt like hell- but it was for the best, for everyone.

The fact that he never realized my feelings for him was always somewhat of a surprise to me, because he was- no, is- a smart person. But when it came to matters of the heart, he was more like a boy than anything else. He had his brother- his whole world- and there was no one else who could ever come close to owning even the tiniest sliver of his heart.

He was like fire incarnate- wild and untamed. He would be low and warm like a dying ember one moment, and the next he was a pillar of fire and brimstone, burning like a pyre. He was a wildfire that only his brother could tame.

I don't think he ever realized how much we were alike. For the longest time, I never admitted to it myself. I saw my worst traits in him- stubbornness, anger, a resentment towards others who never really knew me. We were two sparks in the wind, feeding off of each others heat and energy. It was a dangerous dance when we were together- the slightest thing would send smoldering ashes into a full flame. People learned quickly that the best thing to do was to not do anything.

Even after everything that they had been through- the years of searching for the Philosopher's Stone, all the times that they tried and failed to find what they yearned for the most- peace and wholeness of body and soul- his fire was never extinguished. Ed burned as hot as ever.

As did my feelings for him.

When the day came that our lives took divergent paths, I watched him show his appreciation that that typical Ed way- the non conventional way that he ran his entire life. He slapped my hand, and then ran off to meet his fate with no fear and no regrets. I thought that I would never see him again, and I had resigned myself to the fate of living without the flame of my life.

It wasn't until after I had healed from my egregious wounds that Hawkeye told me what happened to Ed and Al. The details were sketchy- but Al was human, and Ed was gone. I think she understood that I had feelings for Ed, although she never asked, and I never offered an explanation. It was one of the many unspoken conversations between us- my ever loyal Hawkeye- who at times knew me better than anyone, including myself. She let me grieve in my own way, and time slowly filled a small portion of the hole in my heart.

Years later, our paths unexpectedly crossed again. I was so glad to see Ed that my teasing was only half-hearted. For the first time, I saw the two men in the flesh together- brothers that fought death itself to keep the bond between them unbroken. Inseparable, even by worlds.

When we said goodbye, we both knew that it would be for the last time.

I said goodbye to the man-the butterfly that was no longer a pupa, yearning to fly free. I stared at him for as long as I could, burning the last image of him into my mind, like a snap from my fingers.

In a flash, he was gone, and so was I. There was nothing left. My best friend had died years before. The only person that I had ever truly loved was gone forever. I knew that I would never become Fuhrer, and that the promise that I had made so long ago to my comrade- my brother- would never be fulfilled. There was little but bitter disappointment in my past, and the future seemed to offer no more. It wasn't long after that my health started to fade.

The military didn't have enough evidence to convict me of killing the former Fuhrer, but they wanted to wash their hands of me. So they decided to ship me to the Northern Command post, and I didn't put up any resistance, much to the confusion and dismay of my fellow soldiers and former subordinates.

So here I sit, awaiting the inevitable. I feel death starting to creep its bony fingers over my drawn, pallid skin. It seeps into my very soul, leeching the last of my life away. But I don't fear death. I am a wretched man who did many terrible things, and I am eerily familiar with death.

But I'd like to think that I've done my share of good, as well. I was a servant to the people of Amestris. I was a loyal dog of the military- albeit one with his own goals and ideas. I tried to make this country a better place to live, even if some of my actions were in stark contradiction of that ideal.

If I could have one wish before I shuffle off this mortal coil, it would be that Ed and Al find the peace that they seeked for most of their lives. I don't know what lay beyond the gate, but if they're together, I'm sure that everything will be fine. And if that's the case, then I will die a happy, fulfilled man.


End file.
